happy birthdays or not?

eeyoweptna eta eta kankaa'ne

both ginger kathren's cloud and pableu had birthdays this week. in my heart of hearts i celebrate them being here, am made more better for it, am happy that they are both loved and welcomed in this crazy world, but there's also a part of me that is sad again and probably always will be. cloud shouldn't be a poster horse for anything, he should just be the glorious stallion that he is, free, healthy, happy and left alone. and pableu? oh yes we love him to pieces but the pictures i have in my head of him so young and adorable, walking the earth with his family during those brilliant-sky-bleu days in july when we saw him, haunt me on days like this more than they conjure up happy memories. every time i see him buck and play he tells me it's okay...my life is good, all is well. so maybe it's just my weak human mind feeling the changes we have been forced to endure and succmb to ever since our buffalo, horses, land and people were killed, scattered, and or dislocated that haunts me. i can choose weather their birthdays are gonna be happy ones for me or not. i choose happy. sometimes, once you speak the pain, you can lay it down. no alcohol is required, no pills, no misery, you just lay it down. i lay mine down...

sunny days, snowy days....





A very happy Pableu. "Life is GOOOD"!





Pableu and Helaku learn to play. Cool pic hm?



The weather lately has been crazy. Just like life. One day sunny and brite, the next, dark and miserable. Yesterday was warm, sunny and lovely, and in the midst of it, Pableu got a terrible tummy ache. After herbing him up and rubbing his belly, he was okay but it scared the scat out of me none the less. Today, it was cold, rainy, dark at times with snow in Mt. Shasta. He was happier and more full of joy that I've ever seen him. When I let him out with Smoke and Echo today he ran around tossing his head, bucking, biting them on the butt and having a ball. It was almost as if he was saying " This is great!!! I made it and life is good!"  Later when I went in the big corral where Joaquin and Helaku were to scoop poop, he came and stood at the gate so he could come in and visit with them. He played a lot with Helaku and I was happy about this because Helaku is really a loner but he was really good and gentle with P. Joaquin's behavior was interesting. He hung back in another part of the corral and all but ignored what was going on. Whereas when Pableu comes in to play with Smoke, he chases Smoke off. I have a feeling he knew this was good for Helaku and so left them alone. Then when he was done, he went and stood at the gate and I let him out to graze some more with the other two. In spite of the crazy weather, it was a good day and my boy once again, filled us all with joy and a humble feeling of gratitude that we were fortunate to live yet another day in beauty and love...

a pictures worth a thousand words....

"do i look cool or what!"...

I promised Pableu that we wouldn't put a halter on him until he told me not only that he was ready, but that he wanted to try one on. Knowing that at some point he may need one, I was willing to do this but I wanted to put it off for as long as I could. Elvon and I made him one from a larger one we had and I hung it on his corral so he could check it out. He pulled it off, stepped on it, tossed it around, flung it over his back, chewed on it and then gave it to me. I put it over his nose, and gently slipped it over his poll and tied it. No big deal. I did this while I was grooming him which I do everyday prior to letting him out and he doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all. I tried not putting it on one day and he pulled it off the fence and pawed at it until I picked it up. I doubt he was asking to wear it as much as he was saying "hey you forgot that part!" Anyway, I took this picture of him so you could see not only his halter, but how freckly his muzzle is getting. I think this picture is adorable and I won't even try to assume I know what he's thinking. Look at that face!!! 

echo's bewilderment...(for kathy h.)

echo talking to joaquin

my sweet little pabs is learing how to ask to get into the big corral with his uncles and has been standing at the gate instead of gingerly walking through the tape. smart guy...so i let him in and he has fun harrassing smoke and running like the wind all over the place and jumping the poop pile. smoke squeals and plays right along but ehco, well, he doesn't quite know what to do. he stands and watches and looks somewhat confused. pableu never goes near him sensing i think, that next to joaquin, he's next in the line of command and would never stand for any shenanagins. since smoke and echo are such good buds, it's kind of sad to see him out of the loop. so today, while smoke and the little shark were playing, i went in and gave echo a good grooming, loved on him real good, teased him about his halfa moustache and his 'curlybutt' fur, and he seemed to love it. it's so good for me to see their dynamic and see how they live and react in their world. when i was done, i snuck bubba (echo) a peppermint... 

tell it yourself...

josephine in her early days

a reporter came over a couple of weeks ago to talk to me about the horses and meet pableu. i was adamant about my position concerning the BLM'S inaccurate numbers and faulty reoprts on the conditions of things in the HMA'S and told him why i was and that i wanted this stated in the artricle he was writing for a local paper. he ignored this, misquoted me, got names wrong and insulted our home. he described it as "battered" and commenced to writing a dumb, patronizing, story that was inacurate and full of mistakes. we live in an old, vintage, 1952 pan am trailer that some wonderful friends gave us, that we are restoring. so far it's been quite cozy and has a beautiful teak and rosewood floor that elvon put in with wood from the scrap pile off his last job, and a 'carrot door' in the kitchen that's for the horses when they walk by. bit by bit, our "battered" home is becoming quite lovely. we choose to live without many creature comforts so that we can live off the beaten track, with our animals, in peace and beauty, and hope that someday, we can build an even nicer home and the trailer can become a guest home. i learned a lot about 'truth' with this guy. and what i learned that was most important was that if you want to report the truth, simply tell it yourself. and...that beauty is once again, in the eye of the beholder. we think our home is great, our animals love it here and we're all pretty friggin' happy. he has another opinion. evident in the little puddle i found in front of the toilet he used...