pableu's big day...

pableu and his freckly face. will he know the difference???

tomorrow pableu is being gelded. i have such a jumble of feelings about it. i know that in order for him to live happily and peacefully with the rest of our herd and the mares we need to do this but it really breaks my heart. when i saw him for the first time with his family band during those glorious summer days at spanish springs in twin peaks he was so radiant and new! stepping with his little spindly legs over rocks that had me almost flat on my face at times he was graceful in his bobbs up and down. i'll never forget the color of the sky during those days and the mules ears and lupine yelling at the sky so full and fragrant. we climbed up a hill to get above them so we could just sit and watch and when i looked down at the ground i found a small-point, obsidian arrowhead. it wasn't just a gift or a treasure it was an affirmation telling me that the day was perfect. the horses were perfect. the land was blessed despite all of it's tradgedy and bloodshed and that Creator was in charge that day. it was a moment in time that has stained my heart and memory with the colors it lent me and i will cherish it forever. so to reconcile with the fact that i have to alter my little fella because he was rudely stolen from his family and homeland cuts deeply and brings up lots of old tribal sorrows for me. if i could put him back i would. God how i wish i could. but all i can do is smudge him, make him comfy, hold his head and sing to him while the deed gets done and pray hard that he comes thru well and healthy. i've already apologized to him and i hope he will forgive me...